This is a delightful potpourri of choices and suggestions for your wedding. I have largely borrowed this from another very creative celebrant, although I have made content changes that more accurately reflect my life philosophy. It’s a little commercial but it reminds you of details that are easy to forget in all the hustle of putting your wedding together. At the end of this document is another set of potential readings.
Subliminals
Often associated with advertising, subliminal messaging is inherently found in almost every form of communication. This retro Coca Cola poster serves as a good example. The people at Coke wanted you to associate youth, vibrancy and attractiveness with the use of their product. These qualities are visually implied in this advertisement. Interestingly, the poster gives you no instructions such as "Enjoy Coke!" or "Take home a six pack today!" The poster doesn't need to; if you associate being desirable with their product you'll buy Coke without being asked. These messages are said to be "subliminal" - a silent, implied form of communication. Regardless of whom you hire to officiate for you, your wedding ceremony is going to be full of these messages.
Subliminal messages in a wedding ceremony take place whether we want
them to or not. The good news is that you have a lot of control over what
is said directly as well as subliminally in your ceremony.
Let's take a look at a bad
subliminal. The audience is asked to rise as the bride, escorted by her
father, walks her down the aisle to the waiting groom. The father places
his daughter's hand on the forearm of the groom and bids them both his love and
takes his seat. Seems innocent enough doesn't it?
But by placing her arm on his her father is subliminally saying "You
take her now" or "You're the man, you'll be calling the shots,"
or "The man is the head of the household." Any way you look at
it, this gesture suggests male supremacy. Insult is added to injury when
the minister asks the father "Do you give your daughter in
marriage?"- a terrible question subliminally implying property
rights.
We can think outside the
box…. The audience is asked to rise as the bride and her escort,
typically her father, 
walk down the aisle toward the waiting groom. However, the bride
and her escort only come as far as the half way point. There, surrounded
by her on looking guests, she embraces her father. Her groom now comes to
meet her- coming half way also. He shakes hands or embraces the
escort. He now offers his arm to his bride and she, without assistance,
accepts. They now walk down the aisle together- as equals.
We can create other opportunities in your ceremony to subliminally send the right messages to your guests as well. Let's consider the lighting of taper candles to the Unity Candle. The Unity Candle is lit during mid ceremony by the bride and groom, visually implying that the two have become one (a subliminal). I ask the mothers of the bride and groom to light the two taper candles at the very beginning of the ceremony. During the rehearsal session I ask moms to do the following when I invite them to light taper candles during the ceremony:
Walk toward each other first, and then walk together to the Unity Candle setting. Let the audience see you cordially talking to each other. Light the taper candles and embrace one another warmly. Continue talking to each other as you return to your seats. Above all, take your time in doing this.
This behavior subliminally suggests that both mothers are delighted their son and daughter are marrying each other. This is an outstanding message to be sending (subliminally) to your guests at the beginning of the ceremony, and it sets the right mood for the rest of the ceremony to follow upon.
Your body language will be the single greatest communicator of your heart and mind during this event (not your words). I learned long ago that the single most desirable quality in a bride and groom, whom I'm going to present to hundreds of theirs friends,- is poise. Suggesting calm, displaying elegance, comfortable with showing affection,- poise is clearly the supreme subliminal.
The music you choose for your wedding will carry with it implied
messages about you too. A couple who's choice in music is creative and
artistic or flat and predictable will have these qualities associated with them
as well. The same can be said about ceremony wording.
Please understand that these silent implied messages, used throughout your ceremony, are going to speak louder than any words. And subliminals are particularly potent because there is no defense against them. Whether you send the right ones or the wrong ones, your guests are going to receive these messages.
Using Music Effectively
All wedding ceremonies benefit from musical accompaniment. Music is
provided for wedding ceremonies in one or more of the following ways:
By Musicians
By a Vocalist.
By a DJ.
By Portable audio equipment.
A vocalist will work well supported by either musicians or a DJ. Couples then must decide which format- live by musicians or recorded and played by a DJ- is right for them. Both have advantages. Musicians have a presence and can create an "atmosphere" for your event that a DJ simply cannot do. But a DJ can play any music ever recorded, which is something musicians cannot do, and when music is chosen tastefully- a DJ can produce results that are just as impressive as those of the live musicians.
If you have a favorite
theme or song that you want played during your wedding, have it performed
during the lighting of the unity candle and/or presentation of roses.
Never have it played alone while you stand idle listening to it. This
will be anything but romantic for you, and will transform the ceremony into a
one song concert. The exception to this is when a vocalist performs,
because at that time all attention is on the vocalist- the one performing the
action- not the both of you standing there idle.
In my ceremonies, music is played at five distinct times throughout the
ceremony:
- During the seating of guests
- The entrance of the bridal party
- The entrance of the bride (Processional)
- During the lighting of candles and giving of roses to VIPs
- At the exit of the bridal party (Recessional)
Be creative in your choices of music! You do not have to choose
traditional music if that is not what you want. Your audience will give
you high marks if you treat them to great music while they watch you marry the
person of your dreams.
Seating
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Keep the seating of your guests
close to you during the ceremony, no more than six to eight feet from you to
the first row. Closeness gives a strong sense of family and
invitation. Too much The graphic at left illustrates a
standard arrangement of chairs for a wedding ceremony. You can improve
on this in a number of ways... |
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In the following arrangement, we have removed the first
and second seats from the first row, and the first seat from the second row
on each side. Notice how this removes the hard right angle lo |
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You can adjust the seating further
still if you like, by arranging the chairs in gentle arcs (at left) or in chevron
(at right). |
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Escorting Parents
A wedding ceremony is predominately a female event. The entrance
of the bride, not the groom, makes the beginning grand. And her
appearance in an ornate and fully plumed wedding dress easily eclipses that of
her more modestly dressed groom.
The shining of females and the attention given them in a wedding ceremony starts from the very beginning- at the seating of parents and grandparents. In the photo at left the mother and father of the bride are being escorted to their seats. Notice how she is escorted by an usher even though her husband is present. The husband is behind the usher and his wife, and is centered between them. This enables good photographs to be taken of all three as they enter. Please take note as this photograph can be deceptive- they are not walking three abreast. That arrangement should never be used. Whether they are parents or grandparents of the bride and groom, the lady is escorted by an usher, and her gentleman follows behind.
Escorting the Bride
The entrance of the bride is the ceremony’s first emotional high point.
The seating of VIPs, the entrance of the bridal party and the groom, and the
entrance of the ring bearer and flower girl are all preparatory to her
entrance. And appropriately so, for the wedding day is the bride’s day and a
wedding ceremony is predominately a female event.
But who should escort her? The honor of escorting the bride into the ceremony
is of course her decision and she may choose to enter in any number of
ways. For example, a bride may enter:
- Escorted by her father and/or mother.
- Escorted by her father and step father.
- Escorted by her children.
- Escorted by close friend(s) in lieu of absent or deceased family members.
- Escorted by her groom. In other words the couple walks down the aisle
together.
- Unescorted. A strong statement of equality.
Your entrance can be an opportunity to show gratitude toward someone very special in your life by giving them the honor of escorting you down the aisle.
Honoring Your Children
Often marriage is thought of as the joining of two people. In reality, marriage joins many lives. This is most apparent when the bride and/or groom have children. With children present, marriage becomes the proclaiming of a new family. And without a loving commitment to those children, a wedding ceremony is incomplete.
The presentation of a family medallion is just one of many ways of honoring your children during the ceremony. Speaking to them on bent knee or at their level, as shown at left, and assuring your love, gives them peace of mind as well. Their lives change with yours on wedding day.
In the ceremony proper, a bride and groom take an oath to each other
(the exchange of vows). A similar oath can be taken with children as
well. Let's say that the groom Michael, is marrying Sarah
who has two children Trevor and Katie. In mid-ceremony,
with their children gathered before them, I would ask of the bride and groom:
Do you Michael and Katie...
Promise to honor and protect Trevor and Kimberly,
and to provide for them to the best of your ability?
Do you promise to make
their home a haven,
where trust, love, and laughter are abundant?
and do you make these
promises lovingly, and freely,
and vow to honor them all the days of your lives?
Michael and Katie... We do.
After this vow, the Family
medallion would be presented (if this option is used) and photographs
taken. Please remember that this is all optional and is presented
to give you a suggestion on one of many ways your children can be
honored. You can do all of this without a family medallion too.
Taking vows to your children followed by your loving embrace is just as
effective.
There is now an opportunity, depending on the age of the child(ren) for them, too, to make a commitment to the new family. Trevor and/or Kimberly: “We are happy to be part of our new family and promise to do our best, as your children. “ etc… children can be very creative! Allowing a part in the ceremony allows the opportunity for their “buy in” into the relationship.
The Unity Candle
The Unity candle belongs to a set of four or more candles which I call a Unity Candle set. The set uses the Unity Candle itself, which is usually a pillar candle, two side candles, which are either tapers or pillar candles, and a votive candle. In the beautiful arrangement at left, three pillars are used and the candles are surrounded in a sea of tea lights- a very creative arrangement indeed.
Before the ceremony begins, a votive candle is lit which hides behind the three primary candles. This candle will serve as a pilot light for those who will be lighting the side (taper) candles. Typically, at the very beginning of the ceremony before the bridal party makes its approach, mothers are asked to light the taper candles on behalf of their son and daughter as seen below. After having lit the taper candles they embrace each other. This is a wonderful gesture and shows the mothers- and by extension their families- are delighted in the union of the bride and groom.
Unity candles are not indicative of any religion and are used by all
faiths. You do not need an "official" unity candle set either. Any
four candles will do, though usually they are a pillar candle, two taper
candles or pillars, and a votive. Unity Candles may be used outdoors
when protected by a hurricane glass. The bride may want to coordinate the
colors of the candles with those of her dress or bridal party.
But most importantly, it is the visual and dramatic opportunities that
Unity Candles afford that explain why I strongly endorse them. In this
image the bride and groom have lit their unity candle and a vocalist has begun
to sing. Every word that has been or will be said in their ceremony is
now being visually portrayed for the audience. There are no stronger
images in wedding ceremonies than this.
Congregational Candles
Congregational candles are thin, pencil-like candles, and are placed on each seat before the ceremony begins. A book of matches is placed on every other seat to facilitate lighting. Prior to the entrance of the bridal party, when I am speaking to the guests, I will explain the use of the candles and when they are to be lit.
During mid-ceremony, just prior to the exchange of the vows and rings, I will ask your guests to light their congregational candles and to come gather closely around the two of you. Ushers facilitate the lighting of these candles. The lights are dimmed out, and the bride and groom exchange their vows and rings under the milky glow of the candle light. The candles are used for about a five minute period, not the entire ceremony. You can imagine how romantic this is and how remarkable your wedding becomes if you use this option! After the exchange of vows and rings, guests return to their seats and lighting is returned.
Congregational candles are best used in indoor facilities where no daylight can reach the ceremony area. They can also be used after dusk (if outdoors) and in that application would be used for the entire ceremony.
If using congregational
candles tell your photographer that he/she needs to prepare for a low light
situation and will probably need to bring high speed film.
Wine Sharing
Effective imagery is essential for this event. Great wedding
ceremony images tell stories for your audience without words. For this
reason the use of a unity candle and the presentation of roses to female VIPs
afford great opportunities for these images. They also make for great
photo ops to develop your wedding photo album.
But variety is good! And for those couples who may not want to use a unity candle but want a photo opportunity of similar value, wine sharing is an excellent alternative. At mid-ceremony, after the exchange of vows and rings, the bride and groom pour wine for each and share it. After this, they may present roses to their mothers or other VIP females if that option is used. Wine sharing between a bride and groom may be accompanied by a soloist just as in unity candle lighting. Wine sharing is an alternative to unity candle lighting and should not be used with a unity candle as the effect is redundant.
Presenting
Roses
No event in
a wedding ceremony causes such riveted attention to a bride and groom as does
the presentation of roses to VIP Females. Many people feel indebted to
their families- especially their parents. If this is so with you, then
what better time to say thank you in a special way than during your
wedding ceremony? Presenting your mom a rose during the ceremony shows both
gratitude and respect for the major contribution your parents made to your
life. Roses may also be presented to any VIP you wish to honor and express
gratitude toward such as grandparents, sisters or daughters.
An ideal time to present roses is just after the lighting of the Unity Candle
if that option is used. The bride and groom will approach the brides’ parents
first. Always take your time when presenting roses, nothing reduces the effect
more than quickness. Parents should always rise at the approach of the
bride and groom to receive their embrace.
Remember - feelings make wedding ceremonies, and the presenting of roses
to parents or VIPs is a wonderful opportunity to evoke those feelings in your
guests!
Entering with Roses
In the image below, the bride begins her walk down the aisle escorted by her father. The guests have risen, the music is playing, and two dozen cameras are focused on her approach.
As she passes them, two or three aisle side guests will give her a rose. When she reaches her place among the bridal party she will pass these roses to her Maid of Honor. These same roses will be used later in the ceremony during the presentation of roses to female VIPs.
Accepting aisle side roses from guests shows the connectedness of the bride to her guests. An entrance with roses adds to the pageantry of the brides' approach as well as providing great photo ops
Readers
Seeing a member of the audience come forward and give a reading gives your guests a sense of contribution. Just as importantly, readers also show connectedness between the bride and groom and their guests. For this reason the person or persons reading should come from the audience, not the bridal party, as the bridal party is already participating in the ceremony.
If two readers are used let one come from the bride's side and the other
the groom's. After giving a reading, the reader hugs both the bride and
groom- great for the photo album!
Readings can be as short as four sentences but should not be much longer than
two paragraphs. The readings may be abstract and poetic or very direct in their
meanings. They may come from whatever source you deem appropriate- religious,
literary etc. If the brides' or grooms' guests speak English as a second
language, consider giving one of the readings in their primary language.
You honor them and their culture in doing this.
A collection of typical
readings are included at the end of this document. Readings are a wonderful way
of establishing connectedness with your audience
Bubbles
, Bells and Petals
The finale
of a wedding is as important as the exchange of vows or any other event if not
more so. Yet the finale, or conclusion of the ceremony remains the most
neglected. In this example, the couple is walking down the aisle amidst a
stoic audience. Why? because no provision has been made for that audience
to participate in the recessional. A great opportunity is lost.
The conclusion of your wedding should be as memorable as anything you did
within it. And when done to a great choice in music, brings the ceremony to an
entertaining conclusion.
The answer to this problem is audience participation. Solutions
are many and inexpensive with my favorite being bubbles. Unlike the photo
above, the following photo shows guests participating in the finale by lining
both sides of the aisle and letting the bubbles fly- by the thousands.
Guests become light hearted and childlike as the bride and groom leisurely make
their way down the aisle. Photographs of this take on an almost
surrealistic quality.
You could also have your guests line the aisle and shower you with bird seed, a time honored tradition, or the fluttering of flower petals. A wedding at dusk would be novel with sparklers in the hands of the guests.
To give the guests more of an audio participation in the finale of your
wedding consider giving everyone a wedding bell with an inscription about the
both of you attached to it. As you walk down the aisle, tens to
hundreds of these little bells will proclaim the beginning of your married life.
On your home computer print up business cards and punch a whole in the end of the card, and tie the card to the bell with ribbon. Have your ushers place a bell on every seat before the ceremony begins. You can buy these bells at wedding shops and party supply stores.
The
Second Kiss
In the photo below, the bride and groom are walking down the aisle amongst the on looking faces of their applauding guests. And then, as if stricken by love's irresistible clamor they stop, turn toward each other and kiss again.
This second kiss sends all the right messages and is a great way to have love accentuate the ending of your wedding. Have fun in your ceremony and do the things that delight your guests!
You can see the photographer at the upper left capturing the moment, and filling out their photo album with great shots like this.
Doves and Butterflies
Jason and Jennifer release doves at the conclusion of their ceremony aboard the SS Abegweit (Columbia Yacht Club, Chicago). Moments after they released the pair, another two dozen were released from cages just to the sides of the photo- quite a finale.
And that's what dove releases are- a grand finale. Though couples are still showered with rice or bird seed others opt for doves and butterflies. Dove releases are very dramatic indeed.
But butterflies offer their own unique advantage. Whereas an audience watches a dove release, an audience participates in a butterfly release. First, the guests are invited to come and gather around the both of you, then the minister or a close friend gives a special reading followed by the instruction to release the butterflies. Imagine the surprise as your guests, open a box to reveal a beautiful butterfly. The sound of a collective gasp as the butterflies take flight. The sight of the sky filling with color and activity- the memory of that moment- always associated with the two of you.
A dove or butterfly release dramatically brings a ceremony to a very memorable and photogenic conclusion. Dove and butterfly releases are for daytime ceremonies concluding before dusk.
Ushers
Ushers have many important roles in wedding ceremonies and are essential to any wedding with 20 or more guests attending. Ushers perform at least four essential functions in a wedding ceremony:
Most importantly, ushers escort VIP parents and grandparents to their seats. Even if a mother or grandmother is with her husband, she would be escorted by an usher to her seat and her husband follows her. Do not use your ushers to escort all female guests to their seats unless you are having a small wedding. Ushering takes time.
Ushers deploy the aisle runner just before a bride walks down the aisle to accentuate her entrance. Most important of all, ushers tend to unforeseen problems that come up during a ceremony and which require immediate attention such as someone or something creating noise. Ushers assist in exiting your guests at the end of the ceremony by directing them to your reception line in an orderly fashion.
Although it is a nice touch, ushers do not need to be in tux for the ceremony. Ushers should be at your rehearsal session to learn about the many duties required of them
In Memoriam
Honoring loved ones, usually immediate family or close friends,
can be done in a number of ways. The third photo shows how another
couple, Rick and Mary Ellen, honored the memories of their moms during their 20
year renewal of vows. During their ceremony, candles were lit on behalf
of the mothers and the ceremony paused in silence.
A second version would have been to lay a rose at the base of each picture just after the bride and groom presented roses to VIP guests.
A third version would be simply to place photos of those to be honored in an appropriate, highly visible place, such as by the Unity Candle, but not to involve the photos any further in the ceremony.
A fourth would have the bride or groom, upon walking down the aisle at the ceremony's beginning, place a rose on a front row vacant chair and then take their place for the start of the ceremony. The guests would have been told by me before the ceremony began what this gesture means and who it is for.
The decision to honor loved ones who have passed away lies strictly with the bride and groom. Every couple knows if this should belong in their ceremony and your guests will completely understand you if you do, or do not, include this element in your ceremony.
Aisle Runner
A runner may be used to accentuate the entrance of a bride. For this
reason the runner should not be deployed before the ceremony, when everyone
will walk on it, or even before the entrance of the bridal party.
The only people who should walk on a runner before a bride are the the ring bearer and flower girl. If these children are not used in the ceremony then the deploying of the runner should be immediately before the bride’s entrance.
The runner is usually
deployed by one or two ushers at the invitation of the minister. Used in this
way the runner contributes a sense of anticipation for the brides’ entrance. It
says in effect ‘someone very special is about to enter.’ If the runner is
deployed before the wedding begins this effect is lost.
Runners are usually made of paper or cloth and are an inexpensive accessory to
your wedding. Industry vendors like florists or bridal shops are typical places
to purchase your runner. Runners
can be very problematic and are by no means a “Must Have”
Environment
Environmental conditions- which are an integral part of all wedding ceremonies- will add or detract from your ceremony.
COMFORT The audience must be physically comfortable for the duration of the ceremony. An outdoor wedding planned for a late Spring or early Fall day, which turns out to be 56 degrees and drizzling will mentally remove your guests. By the same token, a wedding taking place on a 103 degree August day will achieve the exact same result. Your guests will get the maximum enjoyment of your wedding ceremony within a comfortable environment. The more comfortable an audience is the more they will be mentally present for your ceremony.
NON-COMPETITIVE
ENVIRONMENT
Clearly the best environment for a wedding ceremony is a location with no audio
or visual distraction. Nothing should compete with you for those 25
minutes. An audience will always turn its attention to the most entertaining
event within eye sight. When considering a setting for your ceremony
always ask yourself what will compete with you at that location? A
non-competitive environment will place the audiences' attention completely on
your ceremony.
NOISE Although seldom anticipated by couples
planning their ceremonies, noise can and will: 1) remove the focus of your
audience, 2) destroy the audio portion of your video taping and 3) create a
situation requiring the ceremony to stop.
Examples:
- Outdoor ceremonies held too close to large airports, roads or railroad
tracks.
- Indoor air-conditioning or heating units that decide to kick on mid way
through your ceremony.
- Outdoor ceremonies when the ground keepers or next door neighbors start up
their lawn mowers.
- Auto rewind cameras that your guests have brought and which now begin
whirring away as they rewind the film during your vows.
- Babies or small children who begin crying and their parents will not move
them to the rear.
RAIN If you are planning an outdoor
ceremony you must have a backup plan for rain. Typically, couples having
a large outdoor wedding and reception will have rented tents for that
occasion. If it rains, the ceremony is moved under the canvas.
Other couples, in the event of rain, will forgo the outdoor setting and have
the ceremony at the waiting reception site. Whatever your plans might be:
if you're having an outdoor wedding ceremony, you must make plans for rain.
Using A Carriage
A carriage dramatizes the entrance of a bride and the recession of the
bride and groom at the ceremony's end. The person escorting the bride
down the aisle typically rides with her as she makes her approach. The
carriage usually pulls up to the base of the center aisle and the bride,
assisted by her escort or others, steps out of the coach.
Always step out of the carriage on the side opposite the audience. This is because exiting a coach can be difficult or awkward looking. The carriage, between you and the audience, will block any view of this. Once the bride has stepped out and her bridal train positioned behind her and escort by her side, she is ready to make her entrance. The audience is asked to rise, the carriage pulls away, and a beautiful bride begins her walk down the aisle. Dramatic indeed!
At the ceremony's conclusion, the carriage takes position once again at the base of the center aisle. The bride and groom walk down the aisle after their introduction, perhaps with guests blowing bubbles or lofting flower petals. The groom offers his hand as his lady enters the carriage with him then joining her. The carriage then pulls away taking the couple ultimately out of sight of their guests. A fairy tail ending to a beautiful wedding.
Promote Your Wedding.
In addition to the invitations that you send you will greatly benefit
from a news letter. The newsletter is especially helpful if you are
inviting a large number of out of town guests and people who will be traveling
to your wedding and may not know the area well. It provides very useful information and creates anticipation for
your big day. You could use a picture of the both of you and an anecdotal
story of how you met. Or you could use your newsletter to tell everyone
about your upcoming plans together and where you're going to build your first
home etc. Above all, you are "hyping" the wedding, just like
the promoters of big entertainment events do. And like them you will thereby
increase both enjoyment of and attendance at your big event.
The Order of Events
The Order Of Events is the
sequential listing of events that take place during a wedding ceremony.
The one at below left, is used for most ceremonies and is labeled 'Typical.'
The one at right is an amplification of the same order of events showing more
options. These two Orders Of Events are themselves suggestions as is everything
else. Your ceremony may be considerably different as suits your
taste. There are other events that may take place during your
ceremony which are not listed here. You are not limited to these options. The
handbill created for your ceremony and distributed to your guests will largely
be based on your Order Of Events.
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Samples Order Of Events |
Order Of Events |
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Seating of Parents Entrance of the Bridal Party Entrance of the Bride Opening Commentary Declaration Of Intent First Reading Exchange Of Vows Second Reading Exchange Of Rings Lighting Of Unity Candle Presentation of Roses to Mothers Final Commentary Kiss and Introduction of the Bride Recessional
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-VIPs are
seated- parents of the bride and groom last. |
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Making a Program
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Wedding Program (Outside) |
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Left Outside |
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Right Outside |
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_______and________
would like to thank the following People: |
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Officiant Florist Photographer Soloist Pianist Bridal Cake Disigner |
Named Named Named Named Named Named Named |
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A special thanks to parents and grandparents that have filled our lives with joy. We lovingly remember Parents Names and Addresses
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Left Inside |
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Right Inside |
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Ceremony Order Seating of Parents Processional Opening Commentary Declarations of Intent First Reading Exchange of Vows Second Reading Lighting of Unity Candle Presentation of Roses Final Commentary Kiss and Presentation of the Bride and Groom Recessional
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Parents of the Bride Parents of the Groom Maid of Honor Matron of Honor Bridesmaids Best Man Groomsmen Ushers Ring Bearer Flower Girl
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Named Named Named Named Named Named Named Named Named Named
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Sample Readings
Prepare a reading by copying it to a word processing program on your computer. Then, increase the text to a font size of 14 or 16 which will make reading it so much easier. Print the reading on a heavy stock piece of paper or regular paper and then laminate it- giving it the consistency of a restaurant menu. The document to be read will be much more elegant looking in the hands of the reader and should never be something taken out of a pocket and unfolded.
Here is a collection of 33 typical readings used in wedding
ceremonies:
1
So may this shining hour be an open door through which _______ and ________
will go forth to build that dearest of all relationships, a happy marriage. May
the years deal gently with them; walking together may they find far more in
life than either would have found alone; and even more fully may they come to
know this one supreme truth:
That caring is sharing…
That living is giving…
That life is eternal…
And that love is its crown.
* * *
2
We have come here together that this man and this woman might bear witness
before you and to the world of the oneness that has grown up between them; that
they might affirm this oneness and this dedication here, as they have affirmed
it to each other. As they now exist as one in their own eyes, so may they exist
in your eyes. The mysterious union of two persons in marriage has already
occurred in them in the giving and receiving of their love. In witness to this
mystery, they do pledge their love and the sharing of their lives.
* * *
3
May these two souls
Find a communion of ideal being and perfect grace.
May their love reach the level of every day's
Most quiet need. By sun and candlelight,
May they love freely as men strive for right.
May they love purely as men turn from praise.
May they find strength to meet the adversities;
Tolerance for the prejudices,
Reverence For the Beauties,
Respect for the Truths,
And Faith for the Uncertainties
Which will come their way.
* * *
4
Throughout the memory of man, the founding of a new home has been noted as an
act of a high and holy order. It has been celebrated with a service of
marriage-in sacred groves, in humble meeting houses, under vaulted arches, in
temples with ancient rites, and in bombed-out cellars with hurried words.
Yet neither state, church, nor family relations can by the sole weight of
tradition, ceremony, or expectation create a genuine joining of man and woman.
Such a wedlock comes only through the ripening of love freely given.
[Speaking to the couple] It is in your power, therefore, and your power alone
to bless this service- by the sincerity of your purpose, the strength of your
common devotion, and the enduring character of your dedication.
* * *
5
Take Time while Time doth last,
Mark how Fair fadeth fast,
Beware if Envy reign,
Take heed of proud Disdain.
Hold fast now in thy youth,
Regard thy vowed Truth,
Lest when thou waxeth old
Friends fail and Love grow cold.
* * *
6
We pray for concord and creativity as well as for love and laughter in their
life together; and when there is pain, may there be peace that passes not away.
We pray for joy that they will share with other people, and for their home; may
it be a temple for that which is beautiful and good and true. As they share the
richer experiences of life, so may their hearts and minds and souls be knit
ever more closely together. And yet may their bonds of sympathy strengthen
their separate personalities. We pray for courage for them when the road is
rough, and for humility for them when fortune favors them. May they carry the
past gratefully with them in all the years of their sojourn, and with an equal
measure of hope ever face the future unafraid.
* * *
7
These are two individual souls, who nonetheless embody certain universal and
enduring truths: that we need each other, that we can achieve unity only
through tenderness, and that the protection of one human being by another is a
solemn responsibility.
* * *
8
This marriage is an event in the lifetime of a love. Neither we nor all society
can join these two lovers today. Only they could do what they have chosen. They
have joined themselves, each to the other. As they have found union with one
another, they proclaim that union today and pledge its future. We by our participation
in this celebration do but recognize and honor their intention to dwell
together as husband and wife.
* * *
9
May your ring be always the symbol of the unbroken circle of love. Love freely
given has no beginning and no end. Love freely given has no giver and no
receiver. You are each the giver and each the receiver. May your ring always
call to mind the freedom and the power of this love.
* * *
10
Death is a mystery we see and meet, but love is a mystery in which we live and
breathe and have our being. It is an eternal truth which surrounds us to be
touched and treasured and known of man. It is an abiding element which has no
bounds of time, no limits to its generous outpouring, no fears to make it weak.
It is our great adventure of faith, our lifelong giving and receiving of the
unending blessings of life.
* * *
11
" And so, all who passed spoke of Love as the image of their hopes and
frustrations, leaving it a mystery as before.
Then I heard a voice within the temple:
"Life is divided into two halves, one frozen, the other aflame; the
burning half is Love."
From The Prophet
-KAHLIL GIBRAN
* * *
12
Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,
And back through history up the stream of time.
And you were given this swiftness, not for haste, Nor chiefly that you may go
where you will,
But in the rush of everything to waste,
may have the power of standing still-
Off any still or moving thing you say.
Two such as you with such a master speed
Cannot be parted nor be swept away
From one another once you are agreed
That life is only life forevermore
Together wing to wing and oar to oar.
* * *
13
Out of all the hosts of earth, these two have come, have looked in each other's
faces, and have seen their uniqueness and their oneness. Here they have pledged
each to the other, to make their future common. Out of the depth of their love
they will make their home and in it rear their children. Out of their wisdom
they will face the varied experiences of life and draw from each event of the
day that which will make them stronger for the next day's adventure. Out of
their faith in the love with which they make this venture, may they find
growing a courage sufficient to meet all the perilous chance and change which
must touch us all.
May all their living be so bright and shining that no darkness about, no sorrow
or separation, ever dim the light by which they walk on life's road. Throughout
all the days of their years may they remember this day with tenderness and joy,
remember it as the day when the glory and the beauty of our precious mortality
began to open before them.
* * *
14
And may they look beyond the limits of their own existence to the larger family
of humankind, realizing its just claim upon them. For no marriage ought to be
celebrated, nor none fulfilled lest a portion of its end be directed toward the
ennoblement of all mankind.
* * *
15
Give all to love;
Obey thy heart;
Friends, kindred, days,
Estate, good-fame,
Plans, credit and the Muse,
Nothing refuse.
'Tis a brave master;
Let it have scope:
Follow it utterly,
Hope beyond hope.
It was never for the mean;
It requireth courage stout.
Souls above doubt,
Valor unbending,
It will reward,-
They shall return
More than they were,
And ever ascending.
* * *
16
The secret of love and marriage is that of religion itself; it is the emergence
of the larger self; it is the finding of one's life by losing it. Such is the
privilege of husband and wife-to be each himself, herself, and yet another; to
face the world strong with the strength of two, wise with the wisdom of two,
and brave with the courage of two. And the high and fine art of married life is
in this mutual enrichment, mental and spiritual, this give and take between two
personalities.
* * *
17
To _______and _______who gather to pledge their love and join their lives: May
theirs always be a shared adventure, rich with moments of serenity, as well as
excitement; vital with problems that test, as well as successes that lift;
marked by a sense of personal freedom, as well as mutual responsibility.
May they find in each other companionship as well as love; understanding as
well as compassion; challenge as well as agreement.
May the home they establish be an island where the pressures of a cluttered
world can be sorted out and brought into focus; where accumulated tensions can
be released and understood; where personal needs do not tower over concern for
others and where the immediate does not blur more distant goals; where the
warmth of humor and love puts both crisis and dullness into perspective.
And above all, may they find an ever richer meaning and joy in the high
adventure of lifelong loving and learning together.
* * *
18
In every passing era, new challenges are revealed to those who strive for a
larger determination of their destinies. This is as true of marriage as it is
for any other part of life's adventure.
A husband and father can no longer expect his position to be one of
unquestioned authority. Nor can a woman expect the full measure of those words
-wife and mother-to be hers as her due.
Each worthwhile goal must be earned by the degree of insight and unbounded love
which we bring to it. So may you continue to grow in separateness and
togetherness that your marriage may truly illuminate the challenges of your
years.
* * *
19
Here in the space between us and the world
lies human meaning.
Into the vast uncertainty we call.
The echoes make our music,
sharp equations which can hold the stars,
and marvelous mythologies we trust.
This may be all we need
to lift our love against indifference and pain.
Here in the space between us and each other
lies all the future
of the fragment of the universe
which is our own.
* * *
20
As we stand here at the altar of life, where life is touched by love, and love
by life, we share with these who are taking their marriage vows, their newfound
happiness. We see the door open for comradeship and mystery, for growth and
fulfillment.
So we pray that each may bring his whole and best self to the other. May they
bring intelligence as well as faith, to the task that is set before them. May
they maintain enduring trust and respect, remembering that to understand all is
ever to forgive all.
* * *
21
This is Love's nobility,-
Not to scatter bread and gold,
Goods and raiment bought and sold;
But to hold fast his simple sense,
And speak the speech of innocence,
And with hand and body and blood,
To make his bosom-counsel good.
He that feeds men serveth few;
He serves all who dares be true.
* * *
22
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are
joined for life, to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other
in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other
in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting.
* * *
23
When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our worlds is big
enough for us to live a wholesome life in. We need the wider world of joy and
wonder, of purpose and venture, of toil and tears. What are we, any of us, but
strangers and sojourners forlornly wandering through the nighttime until we
draw together and find the meaning of our lives in one another, dissolving our
fears in each other's courage, making music together and lighting torches to
guide us through the dark? We belong together. Love is what we need. To love
and to be loved. Let our hearts be open; and what we would receive from others,
let us give. For what is given still remains to bless the giver-when the gift
is love.
* * *
24
Believe in what is yours.
Believe in who you are.
Believe in the richness and the power
of what lies in the depths you share.
* * *
25
Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together
in the same direction. There is no comradeship except through union in the same
high effort.
* * *
26
Ah, this star we live on is burning full in danger.
All we know is this: across existence
and across its lapse passes something unknown.
We name it love. And, love, we pray to you.
-It takes only a second to walk around a man.
Whoever wishes to circle the soul of a lover
needs longer than his pilgrimage of years.
* * *
27
A heart alone is not a heart
Until it is one with all hearts
And your body is every star
In a sky full of stars
In the orbit of a movement
From your eyes to all eyes
Gleaming with a patina of loveliness
Whose light is the weight of the earth.
* * *
28
My true love hath my heart, and I have his,
By just exchange one for another given:
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss,
There never was a better bargain driven:
My true love hath my heart, and I have his.
His heart in me keeps him and me in one,
My heart in him his thought and senses guides:
He loves my heart, for once it was his own,
I cherish his, because in me it bides:
My true love hath my heart, and I have his.
* * *
29
We are gathered here to join __________ and ____________ in marriage. It is
fitting and appropriate that you, the families and friends of _____________ and
____________ be here to wit-ness and to participate in their wedding, for the
ideals, the understanding, and the mutual respect which they bring to their
marriage have their roots in the love, friendship, and guidance you have given
them. Marriage makes us aware of the changes wrought by time, but the new relationship
will continue to draw much of its beauty and meaning from the intimate
associations of the past.
* * *
30
If life has meaning to us at all, it possesses it because of love. It is that
which enshrines and ennobles our human experience. It is the basis for the
peace of family and the peace of the peoples of the earth. The greatest gift
bestowed upon humans is the gift not of demanding but of giving love between
man and woman.
* * *
31
Not from pride, but from humility
As mortals, with human weaknesses
And strengths
You stand alone today
And promise faith.
Your faith you find as you live,
Each moment consecrated to
A search for Truth
And for that Good
Whose presence you have deeply felt.
From this time, until
The time you must rejoin the
Earth from which you came,
Love the love in you that underlies
Your actions.
And with each other,
Share your wonder at the beauty
That you find
As Man and Wife.
* * *
32
But of deep love is the desire to give
More than the living touch of warmth and fire,
More than the shy comfort of the little flesh and hands;
It is the need to give
Down to the last dark kernel of the heart,
Down to the final gift of mind;
It is a need to give you that release which comes
Only of understanding, and to know
Trust without whimpering doubt and fear.
* * *
33
An old willow with hollow branches
slowly swayed his few high bright tendrils
and sang:
Love is a young green willow
shimmering at the bare wood’s edge.