This is a great beginning document.
It introduces the general questions about a wedding and offers a basic
outline from which to work. At the end of this document are lists of readings,
vows, exchange of rings, benedictions etc. that you can select or to use as a guide in writing your own.
As I researched the great diversity of options for you to create your
own wedding it occurred to me that it can be viewed as simple as picking “one
from column A and one from column B” …. It
can also be much more elaborate; it depends on you and the extent that you
want your ceremony to be uniquely yours.
There are also sample weddings that are available to you… from the
very simple to the elaborate. Most importantly stay
true to yourselves and design the wedding you want.
I have
borrowed liberally from many sources.
You are not confined to these pages.
They are meant as a starting off point for your own creativity and
personality to come through. Reading
the different possibilities becomes in itself a journey, and very much a part
of your wedding and your marriage. Find
a quiet time in your hectic schedules to read the love poems to each other
(candlelight and a glass of wine can be a great edition) which ones do you feel
speak best to you? Discuss the vows,
what are you wanting to say to eachother?
Take some time and let this be a deep experience for the two of
you. So often the wedding planning can
get to be all about invitation lists, flowers, menus and seating arrangements
(there is another document for this I have named it Logistics). Take a deep breath and Enjoy! Let this time be special.
Shall we
get Married? The affirmative answer to this age-old question can challenge many
assumptions - whom we marry; how we
marry and even why we marry. Experience has shown that at moments of great
transition in life - birth of a child, death of a loved one, marriage to one’s
beloved - people tend to move instinctively toward traditional cultural
rituals, even when those rituals no longer hold the meaning or the message that
you want. To boldly challenge the old and create something of your own requires
courage and commitment. But the benefits are deep, real and long-lasting.
A
ceremony crafted by your own hand, in accord with your own values is far more
meaningful than blindly bowing to out-dated practices. Becoming fully
participatory and conscious of the inner meanings of the rituals you choose to
use or discard at this important event, can set the tone for years to
come. Creating new forms for the universal desire to share one’s life
with another, expands the minds and hearts of all who witness it, and
ultimately overturns old prejudices and makes more room for the many faces of
Love.
There are many ways of
thinking about the design of a ceremony. Simplicity may be the heart of your
desire... Two individuals stand together by the shores of the lake and
speak spontaneously of their love for one another. The celebrant calls on the spirit of love and nature to bless the
union. Wine is shared, a poem is recited, and the ceremony is over.
You may also feel the need to
include family and friends, honor a religious tradition, or make a statement
about deeply held personal convictions.....
Encircled by friends and family, the couple light candles representing their
vows while selected passages from sacred texts invoke the spirit of equality
and harmony in the marriage.
Some view the wedding as a
ritual for two, while others embrace the event as an affirmation which
requires community for its completion....
A dozen friends encircle the bride and groom. One by one they are asked to
stand as witness to the union and bring their special quality as a gift to the
ceremony. Parental blessings are sought and given, and the couple gift each
other with song and poetry in the midst of a garland of spring flowers.
Wedding
Traditions . . .
The yearning for ritual is natural for humans. It is sometimes possible to revisit historic forms of wedding ceremonies and find new life in them, or use them to imagine new variations on an old theme. Other cultural forms of ceremony may fit your feeling more accurately than a Judeo-Christian tradition.
In
contemplating the appropriate form for your wedding, you might reflect on the
variety of historical elements found in nearly all wedding customs around the
world:
~ MUSIC ~
You may have general background music that shifts to mark the beginning of the
ceremony.
~ PROCESSIONAL ~
There is a range of possibilities for arriving at the ceremony stage.
~ POSITIONING ~
Once the wedding party reaches the ceremony stage, where does
each participant stand? A modern approach is to face the guests instead of
having your back to them
~ GATHERING WORDS/WELCOME~
Officiant: welcomes guests, makes announcements and states the purpose
of the ceremony or recites a homily on marriage.
Partners may choose to welcome the guests themselves.
~ DECLARATION
OF INTENTION ~
A legal element. Partners declare that they have come to be married
'freely and without reservation. Support from the gathering can be included
here or after vows and exchange of rings.
~ READING OR RITUAL ~
A ritual can be included as part of the "declaration" or a separate
reading
or ritual can be included here.
A flower, candle, wine, water or handfasting symbolizes the union of couple or
joining of family.
~ BETROTHAL AND EXCHANGE OF VOWS ~
Marriage partners agree to be married to each other and exchange vows
on the direction of the officiant.
Vows can be read individually by the couple.
Memorization is not recommended!
~ EXCHANGE OF RINGS ~
There are many rituals and traditions to 'seal' the vows ~ most familiar being
the Exchange of Rings.
~ REFLECTION AND MEDITATION ~
Officiant reflects on the marriage ceremony that has taken place.
~ READING OR RITUAL ~
Ritual in recognition of the union of the couple.
~ PRONOUNCEMENT OF MARRIAGE ~
~ BENEDICTION AND CLOSING WORDS ~
~ THE INTRODUCTION OF THE COUPLE TO THE
GATHERING ~
~ RECESSIONAL ~
~ SIGNING OF THE LICENSE AND REGISTER ~
A legal element that can be completed publicly or privately after the ceremony
or if preferred after the exchange of rings
Each
of these elements has a fascinating history behind it for you to consider and
make over into something that speaks for your heart and mind.
WEDDING CEREMONY
A TEMPLATE
Prelude to a Kiss… setting the scene….the opening
ambiance… the tone, color, mood… What is the space that the guests will be in?
(setting) What will they be looking at? (decorations/flowers) What will they be
hearing? (pre-ceremonial music) Will the honored elders be ushered in and given
special seating? Who will be greeting guests as they arrive? Will there be a
guest book to sign? Something to carry into the ceremony? A printed Order-of-Service?
[These
first four elements are in necessary order, though much personalizing can be
done with them.]
Call to Attention… drawing the focus.. How will you
alert guests that the ceremony is about to begin? Change of
music/lighting/scenery/gong/bells/ vocalist/entrance of minister/silence…
Processional… entrance of the supporting and main
characters …Will there be traditional figures: the flower girls (youthful
innocence), ring bearer, attendants (those who literally and metaphorically
“stand up” for you)? Is the couple leaving the home of their childhood
families; hence the need for symbolic departure - “giving away” - or are they
already independent adults, giving a graceful nod or embrace of appreciation to
parents? Music is the ideal container for gathering the joyful energies at this
moment.
Welcome… the celebrant/minister gives voice to
the unspoken, proclaiming this “time-out-of-time”, dividing the sacred from the
profane, opening the way for hearts and minds to be fully present and
participatory, setting all at ease…
Setting the Space… symbolic gesture, made tangible by
making it visual - delineation of sacred space may take many forms: closing of
the doors, lighting of the candles, spreading of the petals, ringing of the
bell, laying of a circle of flowers, sprinkling the ground with water, salt or
earth, calling in the four directions, invoking the spirits, etc…
[The next four elements can be
re-arranged in many different ways, or added to, changed or deleted if desired]
The Word… Readings of favorite poetry,
literature, original verse, prayers, lyrics - sung or spoken - tributes from
friends or family members… You may want several readings or songs interspersed
with the following segments…. (see attached pages for ideas) ..
The
Image… Centering
metaphor of relationship made visible: Love As:…Bringing of individual flame of
life into shared Fire (lighting of unity candle)… Partner for life’s joys and
sorrows (sharing of the wine, the bitter and the sweet)… Companion for life’s
Journey (breaking the bread together)… Binding of two souls (“handfasting”
tying of the hands with golden cloth)… the Harmony of two souls as one (joining
in shared song)… Marriage as Covenant (signing of names on parchment or in a
holy book)… Marriage as Building of shared life (stepping over a threshold or
under a canopy or into a circle of ribbon, flowers, etc….)
The
Blessing… (any or all
of these…) Sharing of thanks to and from the couple and their family and
friends; offering of roses to the parents; exchanging of the First Gift; song
of blessing from guests to couple; tribute to the ancestors, including family
members recently departed whose memory is important to this occasion; kiss of
Peace from Wedding Party to guests; offering to the land or the spirits… [If
there are children from a former marriage, this is an ideal time to bring them
forward for a special set of vows and acknowledgment of the new family they
will become!] …
The
Reflection… a chance for the officiant
to reflect back to the couple the impressions gained about them during
conversation; words of wisdom, challenge, encouragement
Sample
Readings, Vows, etc. follow on the next pages
We
stand before this company, on this beautiful (season) day, to witness the
joining of __________ and __________.
Welcome
are you, friends and family of this couple/these people. Today, before you, you
shall witness a transformation as __________ and __________ share vows and
become one.
Good
friends, we come here today to witness the joyous celebration of the love
between __________ and __________ , supporting them in their decision to be
joined as one in the sight of this company and their community.
Blessed
be all who attend this glorious celebration, and blessed be those about to be
united in the bonds of love.
Friends
and loved ones, join with me in the celebration of the union between __________
and __________ as their lives’ paths now merge to become a singular road paved
with love.
We
gladly receive this company today, to share the joy as __________ and
__________ are united in marriage.
Celebrant:: What is your name?
(Answer
with legal name).
Celebrant:: And what is your desire?
Answer: To join with s/he whom I love.
Celebrant: __________, will you have this
woman/man to be your partner, to live together in marriage? Will you love
her/him, comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him in sickness and in health, for
as long as love may last?
Answer: I will.
Celebrant: _________ and _________, you stand
before me, and this company, having desired the bond of marriage. Do you do
this of your own free will, coming here today without coercion or pressure from
other persons?
Answer: I do.
Celebrant: Will you seek to do her/him harm?
Answer: I will not.
Celebrant: And if harm is done, will you seek to
repair it?
Answer: I will.
Celebrant:: Will you seek to be honest with
her/him in all things?
Answer: I will.
Celebrant: Will you support him/her in times of
distress?
Answer: I will.
Celebrant:
Will you temper your words and actions with love?
Answer: I will.
Celebrant: These things you have promised to
your partner, before this company and your community. May you ever be mindful and strive to keep the vows you have
spoken.
(These
vows may be spoken with a tying of a cord or ribbon about the wrists of the
enjoined after each answer, with the HP/S adding, “And so the bond is made” or
“And to that promise you are bound.”)
Celebrant: I have spoken, “for as long as love
shall last” rather than “until death do you part” in the face of the reality
that situations and people change. However, this does not mean rending your
partnership at the first sign of trouble or disagreement, for you know that in
relationships come difficult times. It is your responsibility within this
partnership to strive for acceptable solutions, to work toward healing the
hurts that will occur, and only after having exhausted all other avenues of
possibility and not reaching a solution should such a bond be broken.
Celebrant: The latin phrase “Vitam impendere
vero” means to consecrate one’s life to truth, and so should truth be the meat
of all your dealing within your marriage. Honesty, trust, communication,
effort, understanding... all these are the building blocks of a firm marriage,
and your solemn responsibility to one another. At this moment you stand at the
gateway between your old life and your new. If you, for whatever reason, feel
unable to step through that portal at this time, speak now.
Celebrant: Will all of you, present here and witnessing
these vows, assist and support these (two) people in their union?
Answer: I will.
Celebrant: As these (two) people are joined, so
are your famlies united through them. It has been their decision to bind
themselves by marriage, and their lives will be blessed and enriched by the
support you give. Will you encourage and bless __________ and __________ in
their union? Will you celebrate their marriage, standing beside them in rough
times, yet not standing between them?
Answer: I will.
Celebrant:: So Be It
Celebrant: You are friends and relatives of this couple, and thus
you are an important part of their lives. Their interactions with you are
colored by your actions and words. You have a responsibility to one another and
to this couple to be supportive, understanding, and honest, and on this day of
their marriage do I charge you to temper all of your dealings with love. So Be
It..
Marriage Vows
I, ______, pledge to you,
_____,
to continue the ways that brought us together,
to continue to grow with you,
to continue to learn from our differences,
to continue to be your soulmate in life,
to have faith in what brought us here,
and to be true and good to each other for eternity;
with these vows I have just said,
I promise my love to you.
*** *** ***
I, ____, take you, ____, to be
my soulmate and best friend for life.
To love you always - both through our likenesses
and through our differences.
To grow in admiration and respect,
as we begin the story of our life together.
***
*** ***
I, _______, take you
_________,
to be no other than yourself.
Loving what I know of you, trusting what I don’t yet know;
With respect for your integrity and faith in your abiding love for me;
In all that life may bring us,
I pledge my love.
***
*** ***
Do you __________, take
__________,
to be your wedded wife/husband
for better or for worse,
in richer and in poorer, in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish from this day forward?
If so, answer “I Do”.
***
*** ***
I_________ take you
_________to be my wedded wife/husband
to have and to hold,
for better or for worse,
in richer and in poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish you from this day forward, ‘til death do us part.
*** *** ***
______, I choose now to stay
this path with you,
wherever it leads, whatever the outcome;
To travel with you through the adventures of life,
loving you at my side; in all that we will find,
I pledge my friendship, my faith and my love.
***
*** ***
In the company of our dear
family and friends
and with their love and support,
I, ___, take you, ___, to be my husband.
To love you and cherish you; to nurture and support you.
To stand by your side as we share life’s joys and sorrows,
laughter and pain.
To respect the unique person that you are
and help you to become who you will be.
Throughout our lives and to the end that
our souls shall grow into harmony with the divine.
Thus do I covenant with you.
*** *** ***
I, ______, take you, ______,
in all that I have learned of you
and all that I hope to know.
It is my desire to be by your side
through all of our days ahead,
as we continue our journey together.
In all that life brings us
may we always be embraced in love.
***
*** ***
I, ______, take you, ______,
to be my wedded husband/wife;
to laugh with you in joy,
to grieve with you in sorrow;
to grow with you in love;
serving one another and our world in hope and in strength,
so long as we both shall live.
*** *** ***
I, ______, take you, ________,
to be the husband/wife of my days,
to be the father/mother of my children,
to be the companion in my house;
we shall keep together what share of sorrow our lives may lay upon us,
and we shall hold together out store of goodness and plenty and love.
To this I pledge my love.
(Partners
may speak the same vows, or choose individual vows)
I, __________, do take you, __________,
as my partner and mate. Never will I seek to do you harm; always will I strive
for your happiness and welfare. My love will be your treasure in the times when
other riches fail to serve. My love will be your medicine in sickness as my
hand tends your needs. My love will be your mirth when your heart is touched by
sadness. My love will be your shining star through the darkest of nights. My
love will be your banquet when life’s table seems empty. All this do I promise
you with all the love that is in my heart. So let it be.
My
love, now do I make my promises to you. I promise to share laughter in times of
joy and wonder; to share tears when sorrow touches our lives; to share my
dreams and hopes, that our love and minds may grow; to share compassion and
understanding during times of frustration and anger; to share all that I have,
and all that I am, for as long as love shall last.
I,
_________, do take you, _________, as my (lawfully wedded) husband/wife. I vow
to you, my love and partner, to be honest, understanding, compassionate,
loving, and supportive, even as I ask these things of you.
I,
_________, do ask you, _________, to be my partner in marriage. I ask that you
accept my strengths and my faults as I promise to accept yours; I ask for your
support and strength when mine own does fail me, as I promise my strength and
support in your times of need. I bring you, with best intention, my love, my
understanding, all that I have and all that I am.
(Partners
walk clockwise to each direction and recite vows)
Partner
1 (at the East):
Here do I promise you communication, laughter, imagination, and hope.
Partner
2: And all this do I
promise you.
Together: So be it.
Partner
2 (at the South):
Here do I promise you love, passion, desire, and warmth.
Partner
1: And all this do I
promise you.
Together: So be it..
Partner
1 (at the West): Here
do I promise you healing, compassion, honesty, and understanding.
Partner
2: And all this do I
promise you.
Together: So be it.
Partner
2 (at the North): Here
do I promise you stability, solidity, dependability, and strength.
Partner
1: And all this do I
promise you.
Together: So be it.
My
loved one, I speak these words of promise to you. I vow, before this company,
to build with you a life and relationship that is healthy and loving. I promise
you my honesty, my compassion, my hand in sharing the work. I promise to encourage
your dreams and to listen to your worries. I promise to care for you in every
way that I can
EXCHANGE OF RINGS
Officiant: By the exchange of these tokens of your love
for one another, so are your lives interlaced. What one experiences, so shall
the other; as honesty and love build, so will your bond strengthen and grow.
Officiant: The Circle is a perfect figure, without
beginning, without end, with no area of weakness. It is a symbol of the Cycle
of Life, of birth, death, and rebirth. This shall serve as a physical reminder
of your vow, and that all things begin and end and begin again, as the Gods so
decree. These rings shall serve to remind you that life goes on, that these
moments pass. When you are engulfed in anger or in sadness, look to your hand,
and remember that the Wheel turns forever onward, and it is love that turns the
Wheel.
Partner
1: This ring I give to
you is a symbol of our love, and of the promises I have spoken to you on this
day. Partner 2: I shall wear this ring as a symbol of our love, being
always mindful of the vows we have spoken on this day. (Vows may be repeated
by the other partner)
Officiant: Onto each other’s hand you now place a
ring, the circlet symbolizing the wheel of life that turns ever onward. There
is a lesson in both the hand and the wedding ring. The circle itself is
all-encompassing and inclusive. Your hand opens to receive and to give,
clenches in frustration and anger, holds and soothes in times of sadness, and
clutches in fear. With this hand are cities and sand castles made, music played
and poetry written; into these hands is life given, and from these hands is it
taken. All the actions of your hand move in sympathetic rhythm with the wheel
of life and with your destiny. Pleasure, pain, creation, destruction, giving
and receiving are all within the power of your hand. As the ring symbolizes the
cycle, so does the hand symbolize the power of actualization and creation. Let
this ring remind you of the many turns of the Wheel through which you and your
love shall pass, and may everything that is touched by your hand be touched
also by love.
___________________________________________
Rings are an ancient symbol,
blessed and simple - a Circle, for love that never ends, a circle for arms that
embrace; round like the sun, like the eyes. These rings made from the
metals drawn deep from the earth will remind you that your love is drawn from
deep in your heart and remind you of the necessity of grounding your love in
passion and compassion and the daily giving and forgiving that makes a
marriage These rings, beautifully crafted, will remind you that your
marriage must be carefully crafted, as a work of art. May the bright
gold/silver of these rings remind you that your love, like the sun, is meant to
illumine; that your love, like the eye, must see clearly, that your love, like
arms that embrace, is a grace upon this world.
Officiant: May these
rings that you exchange be a token of your love and a symbol of your pledge
made here today.
Words for the
Couple Upon the Exchange of Rings:
_______, I give you this ring,
in token of my faithfulness and love,
and as a pledge to honor you with my whole being,
______, I give you this ring
in token of the covenant we have made between us today.
In token and pledge of our
constant faith and abiding love,
_______, with this ring, I thee wed.
__________, I give you this
ring as a sign of my love,
and with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you,
and take you for my husband/wife.
_______, In pledge of the
marriage vows made between us, I offer you this ring. Let it be to you and to
me and to all the world, a symbol of the covenant of marriage we have entered
into.
With a Handfasting cord:
As
this knot is tied, so are your lives now bound.
Woven
into this cord, imbued into its very fibers, are all the hopes of your friends
and family, and of yourselves, for your new life together. With the fashioning
of this knot do I tie all the desires, dreams, love, and happiness wished here
in this place to your lives for as long as love shall last.
In
the joining of hands and the fashion of a knot, so are your lives now bound,
one to another.
By
this cord you are thus bound to your vow. May this knot remain tied for as long
as love shall last.
May
this cord draw your hands together in love, never to be used in anger. May the
vows you have spoken never grow bitter in your mouths.
Two
entwined in love, bound by commitment and fear, sadness and joy, by hardship
and victory, anger and reconciliation, all of which brings strength to this
union. Hold tight to one another through both good times and bad, and watch as
your strength grows.
By Water:
As
the water is poured and the two become one, the halves become invisible,
indefinable, a true whole.
Take
up now your vessels which represent your own persons. The water within them is
as your own lives, similar yet separate. In the mixing of these fluids in the
singular vessel of your union are your lives thus blended. See how the two,
once separate, are a complete whole. So now are your lives.
Water
to water, and soul to soul. Love binds and blends us all.
By Flame:
Fires
of passion and love, join here and become one, as do these people before you.
Each
of you take a candle representing your singular selves. Let them meet and unite
here at the center. Now extinguish your singular lights, and rejoice in the
enduring flame of your love.
Take
up and light the candles before you, representing your individual lives.
Examine the flame, how it can warm, how it can energize, and how it can harm;
fire is both creation and destruction. As you light the candle of your union,
bring into it the fire of your love, the warmth of your compassion, and the
spark of creativity.
Pronouncements &
Benedictions
PRONOUNCEMENTS
As you _________ and _________
have chosen one another from among all the men and women of the earth; have
declared your love for one another before this company; have given your pledge
of faith and honor to one another; and have consented to live together under
this sacred covenant, Now, by the authority vested in me by the church and by
the state, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss one another.
As __________ and ___________
have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands,
and with the exchange of rings, in the presence of this company, I pronounce
them husband and wife.
We who have come together in this place have heard the willingness of ______ and _________ to be joined in marriage. They have come of their own free will and in our hearing have made their covenant. They have given and received a ring as a seal to this promise. Therefore, by the power vested in me by the church and by the state, I pronounce that they are husband and wife.
As you, ___ and ___ have chosen
one another; have declared your love of one another before this company; have
given your pledge of faith and honor to one another, and have consented to
live together under this sacred covenant; now by the authority vested in me
by the church and by the state, I pronounce you husband and wife.
BENEDICTIONS
May the meaning of these
moments be fulfilled in the years to come
in the lives of ___ and ____
May their unity of spirit grow deeper and stronger
in the chances and changes of the life they will share.
May they be strength to each other and comfort and the cause of great
happiness.
Loving each other, may they reach out to love others in their circle
and to serve humankind, and the earth upon which we dwell.
***
*** ***
May the love which has brought
you together today,
be a source of strength in the times to come.
May it bring you and those around you, inspiration and hope.
May it be a tide of joy which carries you over the troubled waters.
May it be a flame of wisdom in the dark and a cloak of comfort in the cold. May
this love root you deeply in your life and lift you up higher than the stars.
And may it bring you happiness and peace.
***
*** ***
Now you will feel no rain, for your love will be a shelter for one another.
Now you will feel no cold, for your flame will be warmth for one another.
Now there will be no loneliness, for your eyes will be mirrors for one another.
Now you are two lives, but there is only one path before you.
Go now to your dwelling place, to enter into the days of your togetherness.
And may your days be good and long upon this earth. Apache Wedding Chant
May
the Winds of communication blow ever between you; may the Fires of love sustain
you; may the Waters of life heal and soothe you; and may the strength of the
Earth bind and steady you throughout your time together.
As
the Air you breathe brings you life, may you always speak truthfully to one
another. (For truly does each falsehood act as a little death).
As
the Fire of love burns within you, may you always find a spark even in your
anger. (For without Love, we are but weak shadows upon the stones).
As
the Waters of life flow within your bodies, may your personal tides move in
unison, and your emotions flow. (For Water contains life, sustains life, and
without it we are but dry husks).
As
the Earth grounds and steadies you, may you always remain strong for one
another. (For strength adds to strength and builds upon itself).
All
this do I charge you, for as long as Love shall last.
You
have witnessed the promises made by _________ and _________ one to another, and
the exchange of the symbols of their union. They are now connected to
experience together whatever life may bring them.
You
have made your vows, one to the other, before this company, and exchanged
tokens of your love. By the power of your love, I do pronounce you Husband and
Wife. (Or whatever titles are wished).
I
am happy/honored to present to you, (names).
In
the binding of yourselves have you created life anew. Step forth, therefore,
into that new life, and rejoice in your love.
Through
the powers of Love between yourselves and this company, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife!
As
the seed is to the soil, and the fuel is to the fire -- partners in growth and
nourishment. May we, by the blessing of this food and drink, nourish all with
our love.
Let
us always remember to share all that we have with those who have nothing.
We
give thanks to the planters of seeds, workers of the soil, and harvesters of
grain for these cakes that we now share. Their efforts, sustain us. We give thanks to the workers of vines,
harvesters of fruits, and makers of wine for this drink that we now share. May
all be blessed by the sharing of their gifts.
(For
a non-alcoholic beverage, bless the appropriate ingredients and people
involved).
May
you never hunger. (Share cakes).
May you never thirst. (Share
drink)
There are places within a wedding for special readings; they can be done by the
Officiant or by an honored guest, a parent, sibling, friend, etc. A special piece can also be used on the
wedding program. Enjoy your time as
you read through them! There are so
many great writings… this is a very limited selection there are many
possibilities missing from this, Desiderata for one. Find the readings that speak to your hearts.
WEDDING READINGS
Love
one another, but make not a bond of love;
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone;
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping,
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
Stand together, yet not too near together;
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Kahlil Gibran
*** *** ***
To love is good; love being
difficult.
For one human to love another:
that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate,
the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but a
preparation.
For this reason young people,
who are beginners in everything,
cannot yet know love; they have to learn it.
With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered close about their
lonely, timid, upward-beating heart,
they must learn to love.
But learning time is always a long, secluded time, and so loving,
for a long while ahead and far on into life, is - solitude,
intensified and deepened aloneness for those who love.
Love is at first not anything
that means merging, giving over,
uniting with another, for what would a union be of something unclarified,
unfinished, still subordinate?
It is a high inducement to the individual to ripen,
to become something in himself, to become world,
to become world for herself, for another’s sake;
it is a great and exacting claim, something that chooses one out,
calls the lover to vast things...
Rainier Maria Rilke
*** *** ***
Fidelity and love are two
different things, like a flower and a gem.
Man and woman are like the earth, that brings forth flowers in summer
and love, but underneath is rock.
Older than flowers, older than ferns, older than plasma altogether
is the soul of the human underneath.
And when, throughout all the wild orgasms of love
slowly a gem forms, in the ancient, once-more-molten rocks,
of two human hearts, two ancient rocks,
a man’s heart and a woman’s heart;
That is the crystal of peace, the slow, hard jewel of trust,
the sapphire of fidelity.
The gem of mutual peace emerging from the wild chaos of love.
D.H. Lawrence
*** *** ***
Give me your heart, beloved.
Give me your hand, my true friend.
With each passing day I grow more fond;
With each passing day, our small portion of love takes its place in the truth
of time.
With the years that we have been given,
Let us grow deeply into life so that we may love all the more.
Anonymous
*** *** ***
Love does not consist in
gazing at one another.
But in looking outward together in the same direction.
Do not seek perfection in each other.
Do not seek to make the other into your own image,
or to remake yourself into another’s image.
What each most truly is will be known by the other.
It is that truth of you which must be loved.
Many things will change, but change is not the enemy of love.
Change is the enemy only of any attempt to possess.
May all that is good and true and beautiful
abide with you now and always.
Anonymous
*** *** ***
Go deeper than love, for the
soul has greater depths,
love is like the grass, but the heart is deep wild rock
molten, yet dense and permanent.
Go down to your deep old heart, and lose sight of yourself.
And lose sight of me, the me whom you turbulently love.
Let us lose sight of ourselves, and break the mirrors.
For the fierce curve of our lives is moving again to the depths
out of sight, in the deep living heart.
D.H. Lawrence
*** *** ***
A portion of your soul has
been entwined with mine.
A gently kind of togetherness, while separate we stand.
As two trees deeply rooted in separate plots of ground,
while their topmost branches come together,
forming a miracle of lace against the heavens.
Anonymous
*** *** ***
Marriage is a commitment to
take that joy deep, deeper than happiness,
deep into the discovery of who you most truly are.
It is a commitment to a spiritual journey, to a life of becoming -
in which joy can comprehend despair;
running through rivers of pain into joy again.
Thus marriage is even deeper than commitment.
It is a covenant - a covenant that says:
I love you - I trust you - I will be here for you when you are hurting,
and when I am hurting I will not leave.
It is a covenant intended not to provide haven from pain or anger or sorrow.
Life offers no such haven.
Instead, marriage is intended to provide a sanctuary safe enough to risk
loving;
to risk living and sharing from the center of oneself.
This is worth everything.
Anonymous
Until one is committed there
is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth,
the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:
that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to
help one that would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor
all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance
which no one could have dreamt would have come one’s way.
I have learned a deep respect
for Goethe’s couplet:
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can – begin it!
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!”
W.H. Murray
*** *** ***
“Levin was happy, but having
embarked on married life, he saw at every step that it was not at all what he
had imagined. At every step he experienced what a man experiences when,
after admiring the smooth, happy motion of a boat on a lake, he finds himself
sitting in it himself. He found that it was not enough to sit quietly
without rocking the boat, that he had constantly to consider what to do next,
that not for a moment must he forget what course to steer or that there was
water under his feet, that he had to row, much as it hurt his unaccustomed
hands, that it was pleasant enough to look at it from the shore, but very hard,
though very delightful, to sail it.” -
Tolstoy
*** *** ***
Tao of Marriage
The deepest intimacy with the beloved becomes possible when we have experienced
intimacy with the self. Intimacy with the self means awakening to our true
nature. The old Zen stories say about the moments of the Master’s
enlightenment, “Suddenly he was intimate.”
”Go deeper than love,” D.H. Lawrence wrote, “for the soul has greater depths.”
The willingness to go deeper than love itself is a kind of love, a desire to
meet the beloved beyond desire, in the darkness where there is no self, no
other. For this meeting, a man and a woman must be whole enough in themselves
to step out of themselves, into a place of mutual transformation. They are able
to surrender everything they know, everything they love, with the abandon that
a Master has at the hour of death. Transformation is a death. It is also a
birth, and can be as painful as any physical birth. Painful or ecstatic, it
requires a fundamental trust. “Into your hands I commit my spirit.”
A man and a woman who enter this depth of intimacy find themselves standing in
the garden where Adam and Eve stood. All things are possible for them. The
ancient Chinese sage Tzu-ssu said, “For the mature person, the Tao begins in
the relation between man and woman, and ends in the infinite vastness of the
universe.” They have traced their love for each other back to the root of love,
the radiant non-self, the boddhisattva’s serene compassion. Like the wedding
ring, it has no beginning, no end. Stephen Mitchell
*** *** ***
“The meaning of marriage
begins in the giving of words. We cannot join ourselves to one another
without giving our word. And this must be an unconditional giving, for in
joining ourselves to one another we join ourselves to the unknown. We can
join one another only by joining the unknown. We must not be misled by
the procedures of experimental thought: in life, in the world, we are never
given two known results to choose between, but only one result that we choose
without knowing what it is.
Marriage rests upon the
immutable givens that compose it: words, bodies, characters, histories,
places. Some wishes cannot succeed; some victories cannot be won; some
loneliness is incorrigible. But here is relief and freedom in knowing
what is real; these givens come to us out of the perennial reality of the
world, like the terrain we live on. One does not care for this ground to
make it a different place, or to make it perfect, but to make it
inhabitable and to make it better. To flee from its realities is only to
arrive at them unprepared.
Because the condition of
marriage is worldly and its meaning communal, no one party to it can be solely
in charge. What you alone think it ought to be, it is not going to
be. Where you alone think you want it to go, it is not going to
go. It is going where the two of you- and marriage, time, life, history,
and the world - will take it. You do not know the road; you have
committed your life to a way.”
Anonymous
***
*** ***
Sample Readings
Poetry
This
is personally one of my favorites… it is also available set to song and
recorded by Dan Barker
“Love is the greatest
bow on life’s dark cloud.
It
is the morning and the evening star.
It shines upon the
babe’ and sheds its radiance on the quiet tomb.
It is the mother of
art, inspirer of poet, patriot and philosopher.
It is the air and
light of every heart—builder of every home, kindlier of every fire on every
hearth.
It was the first to
dream of immortality.
It fills the world
with melody—for music is the voice of love.
Love is the
magician, the enchanter, that changes worthless things to joy,
And makes right
royal kings and queens of common clay.
It is the perfume of
that wondrous flower, the heart, and without that sacred passion,
That divine swoon,
we are less than beasts;
but with it, earth
is heaven, and we are gods.”
What fills the heart
of man
Is not that his life
must fade,
But that out of his
dark there can
A light like a rose
be made,
That seeing a
snow-flake fall
His heart is lifted
up,
That hearing a
meadow-lark call
For a moment he will
stop
To rejoice in the
musical air
To delight in the
fertile earth
And the flourishing
everywhere
Of spring and
spring’s rebirth.
And never a woman or
a man
Walked through their
quickening hours
But found for some
brief span
An intervale of
flowers,
Where love for aman
or a woman
So captured the
heart’s beat
That they and all
things human
Danced on rapturous
feet. ~Theodore Spencer
Sonnet XVII
I don’t love you as if you
were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that
doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing
how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving
but this, in which there
is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.
- Pablo Neruda
***
*** ***
Had I the heavens’ embroidered
cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths
under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
W.B.
Yeats
***
*** ***
i carry your heart with me (i
carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and
whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling) i fear
not fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud)
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher
than soul can hope of mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) ………………e.e. cummings
love is more thicker than
forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail
it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea
love is less always than to
win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive
it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky
• e.e.cummings
***
*** ***
(While you and i have lips and
voices which
are for kissing and to sing with
who cares if some oneeyed son of a bitch
invents an instrument to measure
Spring with?...
e.e.
cummings
***
*** ***
since feeling is first
who pays attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world
my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids’ flutter which says
we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life’s not a paragraph
And death i think is no
parenthesis
e.e.
cummings
***
*** ***
Song
of the Open Road
Afoot and light-hearted I take
to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.
Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,
Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,
Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,
strong and content I travel the open road.
I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.
I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.
Comrade, I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
Walt
Whitman
***
*** ***
The minute I heard my first love story I started looking
for you,
not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere - They’re in each other all along!
Jelaludin
Rumi
***
*** ***
You bound strong sandals on my
feet,
You gave me bread and wine,
And sent me under sun and stars
For all the world was mine.
Oh, take the sandals off my
feet,
You know not what you do;
For all the world is in your arms
My sun and stars are you.
Sara
Teasdale
***
*** ***
Let me not to the marriage of
true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed
mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though
rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me
proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
William
Shakespeare
***
*** ***
A
Man & A Woman
A man and a woman sit near
each other
and they do not long, at this moment
to be older, or younger, nor born in any other nation
or time or place.
They are content to be where
they are,
talking or not talking.
Their breaths together feed someone whom we do not know.
The man sees the way his
fingers move;
he sees her hands close around a book she hands to him.
They obey a third body that they share in common.
They have made a promise to love that body.
Age may come, parting may
come, death will come.
A Man and a woman sit near each other;
as they breathe they feed someone we do not know,
someone we know of, whom we have never seen.
Robert Bly
(from Loving a Woman in Two Worlds)
***
*** ***
The
Two of You
Don’t run anymore. Quiet. How
softly it rains
on the roofs of the city. How perfect
All things are. Now, for the two of you
Waking up in a royal bed by a garret window.
For a man and a woman. For one plant divided
Into masculine and feminine which longed for each other.
Yes, this is my gift to you. Above ashes
On a bitter, bitter earth. Above the subterranean
Echo of clamorings and vows. So that now at dawn
A hand with a comb, two faces in a mirror
Are forever once, even if unremembered,
So that you watch what is, though it fades away,
And are grateful every moment for your being.
Let that little park with the greenish marbel busts
In the pearl-gray light, under a summer drizzle,
Remain as it was when you opened the gate.
And the street of tall peeling porticos
Which this love of yours suddenly transformed.
Czeslaw Milosz