Marriage with step child

Often marriage is thought of as the joining of two people.  In reality, marriage joins many lives.  This is most apparent when the bride and/or groom have children.   With children present, marriage becomes the proclaiming of a new family.  And without a loving commitment to those children, a wedding ceremony is incomplete.

Opening Words

(Addressed to audience):

______ and ______ have asked you here this day because each one of you has touched their lives in some special way. They hold you, their family and friends, as a valued part of what they are as individuals, and what they will become as a married couple. Your presence is a gift of support and caring, and they appreciate your sharing this very special occasion.

We are gathered here, not to witness the beginning of what will be, but rather what already is! We do not create this marriage, because we cannot. We can and do, however, celebrate with ______, _______, and their families the wondrous and joyful occurrence that is taking place in their lives.

True marriage is more than joining the bonds of marriage of two persons. It is the uniting of two individuals already attuned to each other. When such a true bond already exists between two people, it is fitting that an outer acknowledgment be made. This acknowledgment is the prime reason for this gathering and this ceremony. We are here to bear witness to their public commitment to each other into the closer relationship of husband and wife of these beloved friends who are already one in spirit.

The Celebration Of Marriage

Ladies and gentlemen, this wedding is marked by sentiments, symbols, and rituals which are consistent with the couple's beliefs and important for them to share with you at this special event. “Why Marriage”

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person, with all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...

Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me, who won't hold them against me, who loves me when I'm unlikable, who sees the small child in me, and looks for the potential of me...

Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night with someone who is thankful, with someone I feel blessed to hold...

Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love in friendship...

Because, knowing this, I promise myself to take full responsibility for my spiritual, mental, and physical wholeness. I create me. I take half of the responsibility for my marriage; together we create our marriage...

Because with this understanding the possibilities are limitless...

(Addressed to _________ and _______):

Your marriage requires "love," which is a word often used with vagueness and sentimentality. We mean something very real, when we bind ourselves in love. When we love we see things other people do not see. We see beneath the surface and observe qualities which make this one different from and dearer than all others. To see with loving eyes is to know inner beauty, and to be loved is to be seen and known as we are known to no other. Such love means security -- another human being wants us, wants to share life with us, accepts us, without qualification or reservation, not as perfect, but as human, with strengths and weaknesses.

Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Take responsibility for making the other one feel safe, and give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at sometime or another, remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part that seems wrong. In this way, you can survive the times when clouds drift across the face of the sun in your lives, remembering that, just because you may lose sight of it for a moment, does not mean the sun has gone away. And, if each of you take responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.

May you always need one another, not to fill an emptiness, but to help each other know your fullness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you embrace one another, but not encircle one another. May you succeed in all important ways with each other, and not fail in the little graces. May you have happiness, and may you find it in making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another.

The Ceremony of the Candles - this can easily be reworked to utilize flowers or colored sand

(Addressed to audience):

Our community is shared, if in a different way, by those who have passed beyond this life. Their roles in the lives of _________ and ________ are no less remembered and honored as we savor today's joyous moments. Join with us, then, in fond memory of all these people. In their memory, let us be silent together.

In all the quiet of this very special moment, we pause, also, to give thanks for all the rich experiences of life that have brought ________ and _________ to this high point in their lives. We are grateful for the values which they have found by their own strivings. We are grateful that within them is the dream of a great love and the resources to use that love in creating a home that shall endure.

We are especially grateful for the values which have flowed into them from those who have loved them and nurtured them and pointed them along life's way. The family each brings to this marriage will continue to be an important element in their lives, but now will be shared between them. In commemoration of the merging of these two families, and in memory of those, living and dead, who were part of these heritages, I now invite _______ parents and ______ parents to bring forth lighted candles, representing each of the families of this couple.

(The parents of _______ and ________ each obtain a lighted candle from opposite sides of the room. They present the lighted candles to their respective child.)

__________ and ________ will now light a candle with these candles, symbolizing the union of their two families in this marriage and the rich heritage each brings to it.

(The couple then jointly light the unity candle)

As __________ and _________ light the chalice, they do not extinguish their flames. Although they are embarking upon a new and unique relationship in the union of their lives in marriage, they, nonetheless, retain their own separate and unique identities and personalities.

The Commitment

(Addressed to ___________ and ___________):

This celebration is the outward token of a sacred and inward union of hearts, which churches and states may make legal, but which neither state nor church can create or annul. It is a union created by your loving purpose and kept by your abiding will. It is in this spirit and for this purpose that you have come here to be joined together.

[________ recites to ____________)]

I, _______,
promise you, ________,
that I will be your wife from this day forward,
to be faithful and honest in every way,
to honor the faith and trust you place in me,
to love and respect you in your successes and in your failures,
to make you laugh and to be there when you cry,
to care for you in sickness and in health,
to softly kiss you when you are hurting,
and to be your companion and your friend,
on this journey that we make together.

[_________ recites to _________]

I, _________,
promise you, _________,
that I will be your husband from this day forward,
to be faithful and honest in every way,
to honor the faith and trust you place in me,
to love and respect you in your successes and in your failures,
to make you laugh and to be there when you cry,
to care for you in sickness and in health,
to softly kiss you when you are hurting,
and to be your companion and your friend,
on this journey that we make together.

(Addressed to the parents):

As our sons and daughters find partners and found homes, each of these families is enriched and enlarged. Do you, who have nurtured these two, bestow your blessings on their union and their family?

(Answer: "I do" or "We do")

The Ceremony of the Rings

Traditionally, the marking of the passage to the status of husband and wife is marked by the exchange of rings. These rings are a symbol of the unbroken circle of love. Love freely given has no beginning and no end. Love freely given has no giver and no receiver - for each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings remind you always of the vows you have taken here today.

_________ recites to _________:

I give you this ring
as token that I shall love you,
in all times,
in all places,
and in all ways,
forever.

___________ recites to __________:

I give you this ring
as token that I shall love you,
in all times,
in all places,
and in all ways,
forever.

Often marriage is viewed as the union of two individuals. In reality, marriages such as this one are much broader in scope....including not only this man and this woman, but also _________, their son...daughter…..

__________, please come forward.

As we give thanks for the love which has brought these two together, so, too, we recognize the merging of love between adults and children that is taking place. We acknowledge the additional love and responsibility that exists in this relationship.

In becoming a family, we honor ____________ and the significant role he/she plays in this marriage and family by giving him/her a ring symbolizing the unending circle of his parents' love.

Inasmuch as __________ and ________ have consented together in this ceremony to join their lives and have witnessed their vows in the presence of this company, by the giving and receiving of rings, it gives me great pleasure to now pronounce that they are husband and wife!

Here is another example of how to include your children in the “joining” of the family

The presentation of a family medallion is just one of many ways of honoring your children during the ceremony.  Speaking to them on bent knee or at their level, as shown at left, and assuring your love, gives them peace of mind as well.  Their lives change with yours on wedding day.

In the ceremony proper, a bride and groom take an oath to each other (the exchange of vows).  A similar oath can be taken with children as well.  Let's say that the groom Michael, is marrying Sarah who has two children Trevor and Katie.  In mid-ceremony, with their children gathered before them, I would ask of the bride and groom:

Do you Michael and Katie...

Promise to honor and protect Trevor and Kimberly,
and to provide for them to the best of your ability?

Do you promise to make their home a haven,
where trust, love, and laughter are abundant?

and do you make these promises lovingly, and freely,
and vow to honor them all the days of your lives?

Michael and Katie... We do.

Children’s Pledge

There is now an opportunity, depending on the age of the child(ren) for them, too, to make a commitment to the new family. Trevor and/or Kimberly: “We are happy to be part of our new family and promise to do our best, as your children. “ etc… children can be very creative! Allowing a part in the ceremony allows the opportunity for their “buy in” into the relationship.

After this vow, the Family medallion would be presented (if this option is used) and photographs taken.   Please remember that this is all optional and is presented to give you a suggestion on one of many ways your children can be honored. You can do all of this without a family medallion too.  Taking vows to your children followed by your loving embrace is just as effective.